Monday, August 28, 2006

The Baptismal

My sister sharing Hollywood gossip with my son and nephew.

I enjoyed the new moon, apricot in sliver.

That was yesterday. This is now. I dove into the ocean at dusk. Orange and blues and shimmering of the setting sun below the pier. My children frolicked around me. I, though, decided quietly that I would not let them kill me.

And I went under that cool salty slow wave with no hit to it. For tonight the waves were very meek. I jumped hard as I pushed against the sea tonight. A decision. My baptismal.

My choice, really, to live or not.

And I decided to fight for myself. To fight for my life force. To keep it not just let it ease out of me in despair and in the helping of others. I decided to be selfish tonight and baptised myself quietly. To those observing it may have appeared as any other swimmer. A she-girl in a pink bikini.

This much I know. I won't lay down. I won't lay down for Bush. And I won't lay down for you.

I'm breathing in the sharp night air. Expansion fills my life. I tend to my soul. And to matters of my body.

What better gift can I give to the world, to my children or to you?

And my face in the saltwater. My skin in silk sea heaven, turning, gliding, dipping under. Chose life. Chose life.


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